When you catch yourself comparing your life to others, thoughts might come to mind that sound like this: “I wish I had this. “It must be nice to have a life like that. “This will never happen to me.”
Regardless of what they sound like, they’re not uplifting or doing anything to boost your self-esteem.
So, if these thoughts don’t empower you, why do you have them? Comparison is believed to have a biological reason. We all do it to some extent throughout the day. It’s how the brain determines how we measure up and how we’re doing based on other people. However, it creates a self- defeating mindset when it becomes a constant habit: We are what we have. I’ve been there and can relate to feeling my self-worth is tied to my possessions or achievements.
Unless you live on an isolated island or secluded cabin in the middle of the woods without internet, it’s hard not to be reminded of how enjoyable it would be to drive your neighbor’s luxury car, carry a designer bag like your co-worker, or live in the five-bedroom house you drive by every morning on your way to work. When we entertain these thoughts, we end up feeling inadequate or less fortunate.
If you’re honest with yourself, you might find that these material things don’t mean as much to you as the time you spend thinking about them. But it’s hard to shift your focus when social media reminds you every second of the day to give these material things the importance that social norms tell you they deserve.
When we dive deeper and explore the hidden triggers driving us to measure our success based on others’ achievements, we’ll notice that we are driven by the focus on salary, ambition, and accumulating possessions.
If you frequently struggle with needing to compare yourself with others, let’s unpack these messages and come up with a more productive and positive attitude to begin breaking this self-defeating habit.
Message One
If your yearly salary is not the same or higher than that of our friends or family, our job or career is less valuable than theirs.
New Perspective: Although society and work institutions assign a monetary value to a career through salary, this doesn’t accurately reflect the effort and dedication one contributes to the world. Choosing a job often stems from a purpose or motivation that draws you towards that field. If you’re successful at a job that fulfills you, it has meaning and value. Remember, not everyone is cut out to do your job.
New Attitude: Focus on all the positive things you do to help others. What you do every day touches their lives directly or indirectly. Your work holds the same value as any other career, contributing to both the world and your personal growth.
Message Two
Only intelligent and ambitious people get to make a large amount of money.
New Perspective: When you google the word ambitious, it describes a person with a strong and determined desire to succeed. It doesn’t explain how to succeed at what exactly, but it does suggest they are determined to move up in the world for monetary reasons. So does this mean that a person who raised two hundred thousand dollars to provide clean water for a village in Ethiopia is not as ambitious or intelligent as someone who makes two hundred thousand in sales? What do you think?
New Attitude: Measure your ambition by your standards and determination. You have the power to decide how far you’re willing to push yourself to reach the highest level of your profession or trade. It’s your ambition, your rules. No one gets to decide that but you.
Message Three
If you had more designer clothes and lived in a bigger house in the right neighborhood, your life would be more enjoyable and attractive in everything you do!
New Perspective: This is where we can all get in trouble. Who doesn’t enjoy having nice things in their closet, a nice car parked on the driveway, and a big house they enjoy driving to at the end of the day? You shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for wanting these things and rewarding yourself for your hard work. Life is now, so waiting to have them after retirement is not guaranteed. But at the same time, if you spend a large part of your day thinking about these things and your job is focused on acquiring these things, you will never have enough.
None of what you have will matter one hundred years from now, but the time spent focused on your purpose and creating your best life today does.
It comes down to this: if you’re working to collect things to keep up with others or make your life more meaningful, your life will run similarly to an Apple App, always waiting for an upgrade. Similarly, the immediate feel-good feeling of swiping your credit card at the mall only lasts a few days, especially if you are buying things you are told you’re supposed to have. However, focusing on your personal and professional milestones that reflect your core identity will last your lifetime.
New Attitude: Prioritize your heart’s desire rather than focusing on what others are doing and pursuing. Spend time discovering and creating what you find fulfilling. The more you tune into what your heart is saying and tune out to the outside noise and expectations, the more meaningful your life will be.
Takeaway: It’s common to compare yourself to others to measure your performance and worth. But be careful not to let it become a persistent habit. The more you compare yourself to others, the further you’ll steer away from where you’re meant to be. Following your passions and leading to your life’s purpose should be the central focus of your life’s road map. The more you follow this route, the closer you’ll be to reaching the destination of your highest achievement and a fulfilling life you love and enjoy.